Commissioned by the ABC and read on ABC Local Radio in national syndication, Thursday January 1 2015.
THIS POEM WAS GROWN IN A LAB
And again we approach the revolving door
Step out of one year with another before
Relaxing with promises to be made or broken
Wondering what each sunrise has in store;
And at this time we should pause for a tick
And ponder the rigours of poor old St Nick.
The most popular item under trees last year
Was that insidious device, the selfie stick.
And we were all appointed to Team Australia
Though without uniforms or much regalia.
And despite what I’m sure we’re his best intentions,
The captain has so far been rather a failure.
While I’m here, I must take a punt.
Our erstwhile leader is kind of a … runt.
There’s no better question in evidence of this –
Than, when is a shirtfront not a shirtfront?
But lovers of words received god sends.
Additions to language knew no ends;
(And Flanagan became our new laureate!)
He’d love the (pain in the) assonance of “efficiency dividends”.
Reconciliation is on the agenda
Though Tony might have to return it to sender
Until he realises, by truth or by toil,
That white men were not the first on this soil.
And science continued to take great leaps,
Landing cameras on comets and sending back beeps
Penises will soon be grown in a lab
An upstanding contribution, though it gives me the creeps…
There’s no science in Canberra, I’m sorry to say
And very few women at the end of the day
And if budget cuts keep showing scientists the door
We may have to outsource science to the poor.
Our national curriculum was thoroughly reviewed
With the intellectual rigour of a dwarf in the nude
The results were sadly unsurprising
But rightly, to his exit, Barry Spurr was booed.
So what lies ahead, we breathlessly ask?
And whatever it is, are we up to the task?
Can we keep our optimism afloat?
Can we continue to hold up our mask?
It’s easy these days to start feeling blue;
You don’t know where to stand about what you can do
But simple messages are the most profound:
So if it’s ever necessary, # I’ll ride with you.